Just some random words came across my mind.
Lately I have thought that maybe I’m a child of the Night.
Most people feels comfortable sitting in the room with the lights on. But I don’t. The Light is too bright to me, as if its rays burned and sliced to my skin. Feels like there are some evil fairies flying around… no, more like many normal humans having fun around me. In a scientific way, maybe it is because my body can’t absorb such a large amount of energy. Moreover, the light keeps bringing me sadness and other negative feelings. Scare me to death.
I prefer the Darkness. It feels dense and quiet, yet so safe. It embraces me gently. The light is dense, too, but it’s always in a rush and pushing me. The darkness brings tranquility to my mind.
Yes, I’ve always thought the darkness embraces me and how I love it that way.
I’m alone in the room, with lights on, listening to music as always. Suddenly a heavy sadness and bad memories come across my brain, all at once, hurtful like it have never been that much before. My chest is being eaten. My hands maybe shakes a little. I need someone, immediately, or else I might not overcome this stress. I run to my mom’s room. It’s been a long time since I come to her room and snuggle like this. She talks about something, we lies on the bed like that for a while. Then I start to cry, which I don’t know why. I turn around, dig my head into her chest, and cover my face with my hands. She keeps talking and saying something to me so gently. Her voice’s so warm. I cover my face, so the darkness comes in front of my eyes, which makes me calm down a bit. After a while crying, I stop and realize she didn’t hug me tightly as when I was a child… Wait, no! She didn’t hug me, yes, but she did take her right arm around and pat me. Maybe because I’m too big to be hugged now, in other words, I’m a grown-up now. It’s time for me not to do this kind of childish thing.
Heck, I don’t care. I’m still doing it. As I cannot tell my mom that I love her, this is one of my ways to show her my love. Furthermore, I’m just seeking someone’s warmth.
I love the Rain. Its sound is loud, and also safe. The rain comes, which means the sky is covered with Dark cloud. There was a time when my sister went to Germany and I had to sleep alone in the room. I was a bit scared of ghost, but the rain came down. I, surprisingly, felt asleep without notice or any worries.
People are Energy Absorber. My mood is often opposite to other’s mood. Sometimes, when I am really happy, other members of the family are probably in a bad mood. And so they absorb my energy by throwing harsh words at my face. But my energy isn’t enough for the whole family! Thus everything ends up so awkward and frustrated. On the other hands, I find it kinda funny when others are so comfortable and happy, I am so strangely sad or sleepy. So I have to absorb some of the others’s energy, which is not always working for me.
I’m kinda tired. I go to sleep now.